Oh, how I yearn to be a documentary

         I really don't know where I stand on the title, but it really just comes down to me enjoying documentaries. Getting personal with a topic or person is interesting, especially when it's presented in a realistic (or seemingly realistic) way. Another project I worked on earlier this school year was a documentary project. Before doing so, we had watched some other documentaries in class, all of which I enjoyed. However, when creating my own, and later reviewing it, I was not pleased with the results. Most of it really boils down to a lack of involvement, and again clashing ideas and expectations from group members. I was not invested in the project overall, even when there were moments where I really connected with the people I was interviewing. In retrospect, I don't want my portfolio project to go the same way. This year has been disappointing for me, in plenty of different ways. I can't stand not being able to make something that actually represents me, so I really do want to find a way to get it across to a potential audience. 

        Sentimentality, rawness, and candidacy are all things I want going forward; or at least in this project. It's my last(?) project here, and it not going well would really say more about me than the project. I really want to take a bit of everything from what I've done these past two years in school, but the best example of what I want to strive to create is exactly that, a genuine, candid production. As for the documentary part of it, well, it's right here. I want to document everything I do, plan on doing, or don't end up doing, in whatever way I see fit. I actually feel hopeful that my reflection process will have improved since last year's blog, and I think it'll work if I put in more effort than I previously did. Going above and beyond in my reflection, even if the final project isn't as good will still give me something to look back on. Obviously I want everything to go well, but the blog now means more to me than the project itself. I can now see exactly where I went wrong in my reflections, and understand everything behind it, rather than the project that stands for it.

        I want to bring everything together, more so for myself than anything else. I want to bring in more videos and screenshots of what I'm working on, more late night ramblings, more sentimental posts showing that I am at an impasse, and how I'm going to get out of it, and more posts showing that I actually managed that. I redownloaded screen recorders, and learned how time lapse videos work on my drawing programs. I'm doing everything I can to give myself a safety net I can fall back to whne I need to get back up. I actually feel motivated for blogging and documenting everything I do. Now it just comes down to continuously working to maintain it.

        Both these posts have been funny, as they outline the different sides of the same coin. The coin is still the same, as I want to make something I'm proud of and can grow on. But, I conflict in wanting to make something that reflects me, while also wanting to outline the process of it well. It seems like hopeful wishing, but I've seen other students do both, and I haven't lost all hope in achieving the same thing.