Oh, how I yearn to be a documentary

         I really don't know where I stand on the title, but it really just comes down to me enjoying documentaries. Getting personal with a topic or person is interesting, especially when it's presented in a realistic (or seemingly realistic) way. Another project I worked on earlier this school year was a documentary project. Before doing so, we had watched some other documentaries in class, all of which I enjoyed. However, when creating my own, and later reviewing it, I was not pleased with the results. Most of it really boils down to a lack of involvement, and again clashing ideas and expectations from group members. I was not invested in the project overall, even when there were moments where I really connected with the people I was interviewing. In retrospect, I don't want my portfolio project to go the same way. This year has been disappointing for me, in plenty of different ways. I can't stand not being able to make something that actually represents me, so I really do want to find a way to get it across to a potential audience. 

        Sentimentality, rawness, and candidacy are all things I want going forward; or at least in this project. It's my last(?) project here, and it not going well would really say more about me than the project. I really want to take a bit of everything from what I've done these past two years in school, but the best example of what I want to strive to create is exactly that, a genuine, candid production. As for the documentary part of it, well, it's right here. I want to document everything I do, plan on doing, or don't end up doing, in whatever way I see fit. I actually feel hopeful that my reflection process will have improved since last year's blog, and I think it'll work if I put in more effort than I previously did. Going above and beyond in my reflection, even if the final project isn't as good will still give me something to look back on. Obviously I want everything to go well, but the blog now means more to me than the project itself. I can now see exactly where I went wrong in my reflections, and understand everything behind it, rather than the project that stands for it.

        I want to bring everything together, more so for myself than anything else. I want to bring in more videos and screenshots of what I'm working on, more late night ramblings, more sentimental posts showing that I am at an impasse, and how I'm going to get out of it, and more posts showing that I actually managed that. I redownloaded screen recorders, and learned how time lapse videos work on my drawing programs. I'm doing everything I can to give myself a safety net I can fall back to whne I need to get back up. I actually feel motivated for blogging and documenting everything I do. Now it just comes down to continuously working to maintain it.

        Both these posts have been funny, as they outline the different sides of the same coin. The coin is still the same, as I want to make something I'm proud of and can grow on. But, I conflict in wanting to make something that reflects me, while also wanting to outline the process of it well. It seems like hopeful wishing, but I've seen other students do both, and I haven't lost all hope in achieving the same thing. 

Film Distribution (Theoretically)

         Who doesn't like regrettably looking back on past projects? Me, of course. Since I am kind of required to comment on it I will, but I would have mentioned it regardless, so this doesn't really count as my "pissy" blog post. Working on a film distribution project for a film that doesn't exist (and hopefully never will) was okay. Receiving a script, or at least the concepts of one, and having to create promotional material for it was enjoyable. While I certainly like creating my own stories and ideas, even if they end up in my personal writing collection, never to be seen by someone else, I still enjoy letting it out. The problem is, when I create something that others will see, and it doesn't come out the way I want it to, I shut down. I want the things I make to come out good, and I want to be able to fully understand the process used to make it, so that I can improve on it, or make something new from a part of the process later on. 

        With this project, I understood everything. I knew how to analyze genre, I knew how to compile information and create a viable production, and I knew all the ins and outs of distribution that were taught to us. I enjoyed that much as it was straightforward. I could talk to my teammates and suggest films to research, or genre conventions we could adopt. Not to mention, we were working with a horror/thriller. Things couldn't possibly be more straightforward than that. The story was simple. Everything up until the trailers was simple. I want things to be the same with my portfolio project, as doing a lot more work then needed, and thinking about my project in a deeper way was good for me, and helped me appreciate my work and ideas. I want to highlight on research as being knowledgeable on the topics I'm using for a project will help me make a better production, and help me outline an area to focus on.

        Conversely, I also need to stop doing as much deep work and thinking if it hinders my final product. When working on the trailer, things were confusing, but I still hadn't progressed on my work, mainly because I thought I'd be doing it with my teammates, or a fraction of it at least. Even if I'm not proud of my work, I need to get it done, both to look back and learn from the experience, and to get an actual grade. Finding this balance is hard, so I came up with a rather simple and obvious solution: asking others. If I'm ambiguous on my work, I'll ask people who I'm working with for their thoughts, and if most of them agree that it's good, I'll move on, and maybe revisit if I have the time and see a need for improvement.

        With film distribution, contact with my other group members should have been a lot better. But the little communication we had was good. I worked on some things that one of my group members praised, but the first thing I felt was doubt. I have constantly been upset by my work, even when others like it, or don't think of it as harshly. The distribution project was one of a series of wake up calls for me, all saying that my work was fine, and the resentment I hold towards it should not hold me back. I want to keep growing and improving my work, but it never feels like I'm making any progress, and I really am not. Hopefully I can change that, little by little, both with this project and the ones that come after it.

Portfolio Project 2, Electric Boogaloo

         Welcome to Rodrigo's new and improved AICE Media blog! Not really, it's still much the same, but this time, we got rid of the letter "S" in "AS Level". Jokes aside, transitioning to A level has been pretty weird. It doesn't even feel much like a transition as almost everything is still the same, or feels continuous at least. We're still doing group projects, we're still being creative, many of the people I shared online classes with are here; but at the same time things are noticeably different. Being in class feels nice, and seeing new people is refreshing. But again, the class is still the same at heart, so what can we do to spice things up? I have some ideas, some of which I'll be letting on as time goes by, but ideally I don't want things to go like they did last year. And so, let the fun and chaos begin.